Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
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I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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