I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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