The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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