If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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