Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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