Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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