is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize