i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize