Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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