Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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