I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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