At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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