We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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