Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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