I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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