Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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