why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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