So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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