He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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