Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize