it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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