Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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