it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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