My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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