is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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