My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize