well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize