Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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