in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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