watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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