I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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