he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize