bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your penis caused this!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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