You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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