I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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