Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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