i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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