you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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