I wish I could teleport
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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