he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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