Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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