she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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