sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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