So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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