I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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