What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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