I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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