we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize