Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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