I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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